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Make Me Laugh

Post like crazy in here! Anything and everything goes! Post count is DISABLED.

Moderator: A§H»кαтняyn

Paranoia
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Posts: 250
Joined: 4 years ago
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3 years ago

I could use a good laugh. Post some jokes, people.

Mandalor
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Posts: 7349
Joined: 5 years ago
Location: Your imagination
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3 years ago

What's the difference between your mother and a trashcan?

A: There isn't.
-Mandalor
97 Aimbot Catches | 35 ESP Catches

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Steam: The Deer Hunter | Evolve: theniteowl | Raptr: theniteowl | Origin: 90sguy
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Resigned - 29 September, 2015
Colonel - 7 March, 2015
Saint of the Month - 3 March, 2015
Major - 10 January, 2015
Captain - 9 June, 2014
Lieutenant - 22 November, 2013
Saint of the Month - 18 July, 2013
Sergeant -12 July, 2013
Corporal - 8 June, 2013
Private - 9 May, 2013
Applicant - 9 May, 2013
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VOX
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Posts: 2823
Joined: 6 years ago
Location: The Mines of Moria
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Netherlands

3 years ago

President Obama goes to open a new asylum and afterwards he gets a tour of the place.
The guide tells him :" how higher in the building the patient is housed , the madder he is.."
So, the president greets several patient's and notice that how higher he gets into the facility,
the fewer patient's he sees .
Until finally, on the top floor , there's only one patient and the man seems very lonely and the president decides to have a talk with the guy.
"Hello" he say's to the man," I'm Barack Obama, President of the United states of America"..the man takes a quick look at him and
reply's :"that's alright, when I came here I thought I was Napoleon" .


A man steps into a bar and orders a drink.
When he takes a look around , he sees a big jar filled lots of 10 and 100 dollar bills and asks the
bartender about it.
"it has to do with a bet"say's the bartender.
"what bet"reply's the man.
"I'll tell you" say's the bartender "but it will cost you a tenner" .
The man is no longer interested but ,after quit a few drinks , he gives the bartender 10 dollars.
"well,that money is the for the winner of a bet" tells the bartender" if you win the bet, the money is yours, but if
you loos or chicken out you'll have to put 100 dollars into the jar."
"ok, and the bet is?"
"well, you have to do 3 things:
first, drink a whole bottle of tequila.
second, there's a pit-bull in the yard with a sore tooth, you have to pull that tooth .
third, you have to make love to my 90 year old granny."

At first the man refuses , but, as he doesn't want to pay a 100 dollars he decides to have a go.
So, he empty's a bottle of tequila. but as he had quit a bit to drink before he's completely
wasted. But still, he goes into the yard and the bartender and other guests hear a howling noise
that goes on for about 15 minutes.
Just as they consider to go outside and try to rescue the man from the pit-bull , the man crawls
to the door and say's in a drunken voice:"ok, now where is that granny with the toothache???".
See you in the Haloverse, but hey, don't run, you'll just die tired!!

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Former ASH-Clan General.
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A§H»JÓÒK
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Posts: 3360
Joined: 5 years ago
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3 years ago

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke.
The angry egg takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says,
"I guess we answered that question!"

;)
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A§H»BierLKW
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ASH General
Posts: 2472
Joined: 5 years ago
Contact:
United States of America

3 years ago

Police arrested two kids yesterday...
What are police doing arresting goats?

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen Do?
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
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çöókêz
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Posts: 151
Joined: 4 years ago
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3 years ago

How many South Americans does it take to build a lightbulb?..
A Brazillian! DUDU CHU.

What kind of bagel can fly?..
A plain bagel! DUDU CHU.

Where do animals go when their tails fall off?..
The retail store! DUDU CHU.

If that doesn't make you lol then that's probably a good thing. But it made me laugh.

How does a train eat?..
It goes chew chew! DUDU CHU.

What does Batman get in his drinks?..
Just ice! DUDU CHU.
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çöókêz
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Posts: 151
Joined: 4 years ago
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3 years ago

You're welcome ;p
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A§H»Moody
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Posts: 68
Joined: 3 years ago
Location: North Carolina, United States
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3 years ago

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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Mandalor
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Registered User
Posts: 7349
Joined: 5 years ago
Location: Your imagination
Contact:

3 years ago

A blonde and a brunette are on a cliff. A man tells them to jump off. The brunette jumps but the blonde asks for directions.
-Mandalor
97 Aimbot Catches | 35 ESP Catches

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Steam: The Deer Hunter | Evolve: theniteowl | Raptr: theniteowl | Origin: 90sguy
Image
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ImageImage
Resigned - 29 September, 2015
Colonel - 7 March, 2015
Saint of the Month - 3 March, 2015
Major - 10 January, 2015
Captain - 9 June, 2014
Lieutenant - 22 November, 2013
Saint of the Month - 18 July, 2013
Sergeant -12 July, 2013
Corporal - 8 June, 2013
Private - 9 May, 2013
Applicant - 9 May, 2013
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