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Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 22nd, 2015, 6:49 pm
by Paranoia
I could use a good laugh. Post some jokes, people.

Re: Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 22nd, 2015, 6:49 pm
by Mandalor
What's the difference between your mother and a trashcan?

A: There isn't.
-Mandalor

Re: Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 22nd, 2015, 7:52 pm
by VOX
President Obama goes to open a new asylum and afterwards he gets a tour of the place.
The guide tells him :" how higher in the building the patient is housed , the madder he is.."
So, the president greets several patient's and notice that how higher he gets into the facility,
the fewer patient's he sees .
Until finally, on the top floor , there's only one patient and the man seems very lonely and the president decides to have a talk with the guy.
"Hello" he say's to the man," I'm Barack Obama, President of the United states of America"..the man takes a quick look at him and
reply's :"that's alright, when I came here I thought I was Napoleon" .


A man steps into a bar and orders a drink.
When he takes a look around , he sees a big jar filled lots of 10 and 100 dollar bills and asks the
bartender about it.
"it has to do with a bet"say's the bartender.
"what bet"reply's the man.
"I'll tell you" say's the bartender "but it will cost you a tenner" .
The man is no longer interested but ,after quit a few drinks , he gives the bartender 10 dollars.
"well,that money is the for the winner of a bet" tells the bartender" if you win the bet, the money is yours, but if
you loos or chicken out you'll have to put 100 dollars into the jar."
"ok, and the bet is?"
"well, you have to do 3 things:
first, drink a whole bottle of tequila.
second, there's a pit-bull in the yard with a sore tooth, you have to pull that tooth .
third, you have to make love to my 90 year old granny."

At first the man refuses , but, as he doesn't want to pay a 100 dollars he decides to have a go.
So, he empty's a bottle of tequila. but as he had quit a bit to drink before he's completely
wasted. But still, he goes into the yard and the bartender and other guests hear a howling noise
that goes on for about 15 minutes.
Just as they consider to go outside and try to rescue the man from the pit-bull , the man crawls
to the door and say's in a drunken voice:"ok, now where is that granny with the toothache???".

Re: Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 23rd, 2015, 12:37 am
by A§H»JÓÒK
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke.
The angry egg takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says,
"I guess we answered that question!"

;)

Re: Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 23rd, 2015, 2:38 am
by A§H»BierLKW
Police arrested two kids yesterday...
What are police doing arresting goats?

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen Do?
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

Re: Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 23rd, 2015, 1:14 pm
by çöókêz
How many South Americans does it take to build a lightbulb?..
A Brazillian! DUDU CHU.

What kind of bagel can fly?..
A plain bagel! DUDU CHU.

Where do animals go when their tails fall off?..
The retail store! DUDU CHU.

If that doesn't make you lol then that's probably a good thing. But it made me laugh.

How does a train eat?..
It goes chew chew! DUDU CHU.

What does Batman get in his drinks?..
Just ice! DUDU CHU.

Re: Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 23rd, 2015, 4:00 pm
by Paranoia
:lol: :clap :thumbup3: Thanks guys.

Re: Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 23rd, 2015, 4:04 pm
by çöókêz
You're welcome ;p

Re: Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 23rd, 2015, 5:12 pm
by A§H»Moody
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

Re: Make Me Laugh

Posted: February 23rd, 2015, 5:49 pm
by Mandalor
A blonde and a brunette are on a cliff. A man tells them to jump off. The brunette jumps but the blonde asks for directions.
-Mandalor