Make Me Laugh

Post like crazy in here! Anything and everything goes! Post count is DISABLED.

Moderator: A§H»кαтняyn

User avatar
Paranoia
Registered User
Registered User
Posts: 250
Joined: December 9th, 2013, 2:08 am
Contact:

Make Me Laugh

Post by Paranoia »

I could use a good laugh. Post some jokes, people.
User avatar
Mandalor
Registered User
Registered User
Posts: 7350
Joined: May 9th, 2013, 6:36 pm
Location: Your imagination
Contact:

Re: Make Me Laugh

Post by Mandalor »

What's the difference between your mother and a trashcan?

A: There isn't.
-Mandalor
97 Aimbot Catches | 35 ESP Catches

Image

Steam: The Deer Hunter | Evolve: theniteowl | Raptr: theniteowl | Origin: 90sguy
Image
Image
ImageImage
Resigned - 29 September, 2015
Colonel - 7 March, 2015
Saint of the Month - 3 March, 2015
Major - 10 January, 2015
Captain - 9 June, 2014
Lieutenant - 22 November, 2013
Saint of the Month - 18 July, 2013
Sergeant -12 July, 2013
Corporal - 8 June, 2013
Private - 9 May, 2013
Applicant - 9 May, 2013
Image
Image
User avatar
VOX
Registered User
Registered User
Posts: 2900
Joined: August 12th, 2012, 4:18 am
Location: The Mines of Moria
Contact:

Re: Make Me Laugh

Post by VOX »

President Obama goes to open a new asylum and afterwards he gets a tour of the place.
The guide tells him :" how higher in the building the patient is housed , the madder he is.."
So, the president greets several patient's and notice that how higher he gets into the facility,
the fewer patient's he sees .
Until finally, on the top floor , there's only one patient and the man seems very lonely and the president decides to have a talk with the guy.
"Hello" he say's to the man," I'm Barack Obama, President of the United states of America"..the man takes a quick look at him and
reply's :"that's alright, when I came here I thought I was Napoleon" .


A man steps into a bar and orders a drink.
When he takes a look around , he sees a big jar filled lots of 10 and 100 dollar bills and asks the
bartender about it.
"it has to do with a bet"say's the bartender.
"what bet"reply's the man.
"I'll tell you" say's the bartender "but it will cost you a tenner" .
The man is no longer interested but ,after quit a few drinks , he gives the bartender 10 dollars.
"well,that money is the for the winner of a bet" tells the bartender" if you win the bet, the money is yours, but if
you loos or chicken out you'll have to put 100 dollars into the jar."
"ok, and the bet is?"
"well, you have to do 3 things:
first, drink a whole bottle of tequila.
second, there's a pit-bull in the yard with a sore tooth, you have to pull that tooth .
third, you have to make love to my 90 year old granny."

At first the man refuses , but, as he doesn't want to pay a 100 dollars he decides to have a go.
So, he empty's a bottle of tequila. but as he had quit a bit to drink before he's completely
wasted. But still, he goes into the yard and the bartender and other guests hear a howling noise
that goes on for about 15 minutes.
Just as they consider to go outside and try to rescue the man from the pit-bull , the man crawls
to the door and say's in a drunken voice:"ok, now where is that granny with the toothache???".
See you in the Haloverse, but hey, don't run, you'll just die tired!!

Image

Image
Image
Former ASH-Clan General.
Image
User avatar
A§H»JÓÒK
Posts: 3361
Joined: July 26th, 2013, 5:43 pm
Contact:

Re: Make Me Laugh

Post by A§H»JÓÒK »

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke.
The angry egg takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says,
"I guess we answered that question!"

;)
Image
User avatar
A§H»BierLKW
ASH General
ASH General
Posts: 2661
Joined: July 12th, 2013, 7:33 pm
Contact:

Re: Make Me Laugh

Post by A§H»BierLKW »

Police arrested two kids yesterday...
What are police doing arresting goats?

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen Do?
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Image
User avatar
çöókêz
Registered User
Registered User
Posts: 151
Joined: January 26th, 2014, 9:16 pm
Contact:

Re: Make Me Laugh

Post by çöókêz »

How many South Americans does it take to build a lightbulb?..
A Brazillian! DUDU CHU.

What kind of bagel can fly?..
A plain bagel! DUDU CHU.

Where do animals go when their tails fall off?..
The retail store! DUDU CHU.

If that doesn't make you lol then that's probably a good thing. But it made me laugh.

How does a train eat?..
It goes chew chew! DUDU CHU.

What does Batman get in his drinks?..
Just ice! DUDU CHU.
Image
User avatar
Paranoia
Registered User
Registered User
Posts: 250
Joined: December 9th, 2013, 2:08 am
Contact:

Re: Make Me Laugh

Post by Paranoia »

:lol: :clap :thumbup3: Thanks guys.
User avatar
çöókêz
Registered User
Registered User
Posts: 151
Joined: January 26th, 2014, 9:16 pm
Contact:

Re: Make Me Laugh

Post by çöókêz »

You're welcome ;p
Image
User avatar
A§H»Moody
Posts: 68
Joined: February 11th, 2015, 11:11 pm
Location: North Carolina, United States
Contact:

Re: Make Me Laugh

Post by A§H»Moody »

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Image
User avatar
Mandalor
Registered User
Registered User
Posts: 7350
Joined: May 9th, 2013, 6:36 pm
Location: Your imagination
Contact:

Re: Make Me Laugh

Post by Mandalor »

A blonde and a brunette are on a cliff. A man tells them to jump off. The brunette jumps but the blonde asks for directions.
-Mandalor
97 Aimbot Catches | 35 ESP Catches

Image

Steam: The Deer Hunter | Evolve: theniteowl | Raptr: theniteowl | Origin: 90sguy
Image
Image
ImageImage
Resigned - 29 September, 2015
Colonel - 7 March, 2015
Saint of the Month - 3 March, 2015
Major - 10 January, 2015
Captain - 9 June, 2014
Lieutenant - 22 November, 2013
Saint of the Month - 18 July, 2013
Sergeant -12 July, 2013
Corporal - 8 June, 2013
Private - 9 May, 2013
Applicant - 9 May, 2013
Image
Image
Post Reply