Mandos Poetry

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Mandalor
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Re: Mandos Poetry

Post by Mandalor »

:shock: Your writing makes me jealous. You write it feels like in almost and old English sense with, it feels like, meters and lines. Very nice :D 

So yes. Meaning behind all three of my poems are very discreet. The first one has little or no meaning besides a for warning. The second one too it feels like. I only tried to have the third one have a bit of meaning. The second one is really disorganized and confusing. 

As for repetition your right. I havent touched up on my repetition and it shows here on the second. Kinda disorganized again :/ 

But yes you pointed out to me a good thing here Spec, if I wanna enter this ;) More meaning aha!
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Re: Mandos Poetry

Post by Travis »

Man, if you ever need help or want some inspiration for when you write, just send me a PM and I'll show you some great stuff.
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Re: Mandos Poetry

Post by Mandalor »

Here was an attempt at writing an epic poem based upon the life of a monster, whose name is Athoos. Sadly enouph while writing it, little did I know that meters were used to create epic poems, and I am very unfamiliar with them.
Long ago when knights and dragons fought,
when castles stood only to rot
there lay a dark and enchanted forest
where a woodcutter lay at rest.
Admist his great sleep, he heard a great cry
and there beneath the bushes slept a child about to die.
Yet the child in truth was a wild beat's offspring
and laying in dirt cringed and began to ring.
The woodcutter saw the creature innocent
and received it for his kin were absent.

So the woodcutter took the child to his home,
far from the forest where deers and gnomes roam
There the man took great care of the creature rightly,
always feeding him well and disciplined it lightly.
The woodcutter would take him outside
to show him the world before going inside.
The woodcutter showed the beast the flowers on the fields
showing him the farmers and their yields.
The woodcutter showed the beast the good in the land
never presenting the kindoms dilemnas at hand
and when night would fall upon them
the mand would show him the starry night's prized gem,
for it was the bond between the man and the beast.

When the man was not with the child
he would be cutting down the trees in the open wild.
Athoos would be nurtured by a cat that had been hidden
who had just born a litter of kitten,
sat Athoos beside her own litter
and fed him her own milk tasting bitter.
Yet Athoos grew well in her nest made of silk
and a year after his arrival no longer needed her milk.
Soon the kittens left their dear parent
for all that were left was poor Athoos for it was apparent.
And he cared for his mother's well being
caring for her appearence and making her appealing.
Winters passed and the woodcutter concluded
that it was time for Athoos to be included.
Athoos was now old enouph
for he had grown rouph and touph
Athoos would join the man in woodcutting.
The grammar is terrible and there are a lot of spelling errors. But it sounded like a song that I enjoyed :3

-Mandalor
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Re: Mandos Poetry

Post by Travis »

You've got the right idea in that piece. Just add a few more terms to add to its flow and trace it back to a point in history and you've got a brilliant piece.
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Re: Mandos Poetry

Post by =DG=£ñzó »

spelng and gramer means nothn at al.
B³][osmo final part 2 of 2
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Re: Mandos Poetry

Post by VØLTÅG£ »

I write...erm wrote poetry as well. Started in the 8th grade and was pretty decent at it. I say wrote because I haven't wrote anything in a while. Looks good Mandalor.
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Re: Mandos Poetry

Post by VOX »

If you want to look at some epic poetry, you might take a look at the works of JRR Tolkien.
( I know it's like sending Steve Vai music to some one who's just has found out how to hold
a guitar, but I think they may inspire you )

Besides the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit he did heroic poetry to..

http://poetry.rapgenius.com/J-r-r-tolki ... te-1413517

http://poetry.rapgenius.com/J-r-r-tolki ... dil-lyrics

http://poetry.rapgenius.com/J-r-r-tolki ... ing-lyrics


http://poetry.rapgenius.com/search?q=tolkien

Or, the great inspiration for Tolkien:
Beowulf
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/180445

And The Kalevala,
http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/kveng/
( This is also an inspiration for many Scandinavian metal bands: )

which is based on this:
Still the mother seeks, and wanders,
Seeks, and does not find her hero,
Sees the Sun in the horizon,
And the mother thus entreats him:
Silver Sun, whom God has fashioned,
Thou that giveth warmth and comfort,
Hast thou lately seen my hero,
Hast thou seen my Lemminkainen,
Wandering in thy dominions?"
Thus the Sun in kindness answers:
"Surely has thy hero perished,
To ingratitude a victim;
Lemminkainen died and vanished
In Tuoni's fatal river,
In the waters of Manala,
In the sacred stream and whirlpool,
In the cataract and rapids,
Sank within the drowning current
To the realm of Tuonela,
To Manala's lower regions."

Lemminkainen's mother weeping,
Wailing in the deeps of anguish,
Mourns the fate of Kaukomieli,
Hastens to the Northland smithy,
To the forge of Ilmarinen,
These the words the mother utters:
"Ilmarinen, metal-artist,
Thou that long ago wert forging,
Forging earth a concave cover,
Yesterday wert forging wonders,
Forge thou now, immortal blacksmith,
Forge a rake with shaft of copper,
Forge the teeth of strongest metal,
Teeth in length a hundred fathoms,
And five hundred long the handle."

Ilmarinen does as bidden,
Makes the rake in full perfection.
Lemminkainen's anxious mother
Takes the magic rake and hastens
To the river of Tuoni,
Praying to the Sun as follows:
"Thou, O Sun, by God created,
Thou that shinest on thy Maker,
Shine for me in heat of magic,
Give me warmth, and strength, and courage,
Shine a third time full of power,
Lull to sleep the wicked people,
Still the people of Manala,
Quiet all Tuoni's empire."

Thereupon the sun of Ukko,
Dearest child of the Creator,
Flying through the groves of Northland,
Sitting on a curving birch-tree,
Shines a little while in ardor,
Shines again in greater fervor,
Shines a third time full of power,
Lulls to sleep the wicked people
In the Manala home and kingdom,
Still the heroes with their broadswords,
Makes the lancers halt and totter,
Stills the stoutest of the spearmen,
Quiets Tuoni's ghastly empire.
Now the Sun retires in magic,
Hovers here and there a moment
Over Tuoni's hapless sleepers,
Hastens upward to his station,
To his Jumala home and kingdom.

Lemminkainen's faithful mother
Takes the rake of magic metals,
Rakes the Tuoni river bottoms,
Rakes the cataract and whirlpool,
Rakes the swift and boiling current
Of the sacred stream of death-land,
In the Manala home and kingdom.
Searching for her long-lost hero,
Rakes a long time, finding nothing;
Now she wades the river deeper,
To her belt in mud and water,
Deeper, deeper, rakes the death-stream,
Rakes the river's deepest caverns,
Raking up and down the current,
Till at last she finds his tunic,
Heavy-hearted, finds his jacket;
Rakes again and rakes unceasing,
Finds the hero's shoes and stockings,
Sorely troubled, finds these relies;
Now she wades the river deeper,
Rakes the Manala shoals and shallows,
Rakes the deeps at every angle;
As she draws the rake the third time
From the Tuoni shores and waters,
In the rake she finds the body
Of her long-lost Lemminkainen,
In the metal teeth entangled,
In the rake with copper handle.

Thus the reckless Lemminkainen,
Thus the son of Kalevala,
Was recovered from the bottom
Of the Manala lake and river.
There were wanting many fragments,
Half the head, a hand, a fore-arm,
Many other smaller portions,
Life, above all else, was missing.
Then the mother, well reflecting,
Spake these words in bitter weeping:
"From these fragments, with my magic,
I will bring to life my hero."
See you in the Haloverse, but hey, don't run, you'll just die tired!!

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