Mandos Poetry

[Mandalor]

Thought Id post it up since Ive been meaning to for quite a while. Please don't plagiarize and use it as your own. I trust you guys but I highly value hard work Here's my old poem I made a while back, just for entertainment:

 
     !PŌRTÄŁ BÊWÃRĘ!

   Those who wish to travel through the portal must know
   Rentering back to your world won't be a go
   Monstors will attack you as you enter the land
   The Devil laughs for he himself doesn't ban,
   These creatures from another land. 

   You will bring armor as heavy as can be but you might die
   Once through there is no trees nor can you buy, 
   For the land itself is on fire
   You might not survive
   Do not be a liar
   You can not pass the Lava by a dive
   For you will not live to be able to see
   The Monstors you must knee. 

   So I tell you now hero
   None have lived not even the great Nero
   Be on your way past this world
   Ruled by Monstors and warlords
   Farewell the as I write to you my dear
 For I have been dead for a hundred year. 

   Be on your journey young boy
   You will prosper well in your world with joy
   Forget the portal and and live on the beaches
   This land is covered with swallowing leaches
   Be on your way
   Past the Devil's bay
   And close the portal
   Without a second thouht
   I say you must and ought
   To close this Portal, Beware. 

   

Here's the two poems I wanna enter in a contest. You guys decide which one should be entered :p

Oh how I yearn for the past. How I yearn for my life that now it seems, has joined my family above the stars. Oh how I yearn for the sorrows that have drowned this world in a thousand miseries that have now been replaced with a soulless echo of the lost souls. Oh how I yearn

 Not good sentence structure :p Here's the other

The fire so soft so feminine, so silk like. It's there for me in the night and day. And yet here now, in the darkest hour of night, the fire lays at my feet ever so blowing. Like an aficionado at bay of its lover, I alone am impulses by her presence. And as the fire slowly dims, she parts from my side, to wait for her reigniting. 

So yeah both are kinda ok in sentence structure. Still working on it. Feel free to drop some thoughts and criticism. But don't copy my stuff!!! Lol :p

-Mandalor

[=DG=£ñzó]

Finally you posted it.

do i like it open the box

yes

[A§H»rUnRiÕt]

Pretty sweet stuff Mandy. I could never come up with anything like that

[A§H»JÓÒK]

all three are great!
between the two you want to enter in the contest,
i'd say the first is best.

[Mandalor]

Hey thx guys I appreciate it.
@Jook mmm I never thought about entering the first one in Gotta think bout that

I got a couple of more to dig up but it'll take a while. I usually write about dramma and tragedy and occasionally epic poems :3 When I mean epic poems, I speak of the stories of Homer about Achilles and Odysseus. I tried writting one epic poem but after the trouble I went after 2 pages or so... I was tired I need to find that one mmm
-Mandalor

[A§H»Xoth]

Very nice Mandalor :thunbsup

Both poems are good I think i'd prefer the second one. However, do you mean implused instead of "impluses?"

The fire so soft so feminine, so silk like. It's there for me in the night and day. And yet here now, in the darkest hour of night, the fire lays at my feet ever so blowing. Like an aficionado at bay of its lover, I alone am impulses by her presence. And as the fire slowly dims, she parts from my side, to wait for her reigniting.

[Mandalor]

Very nice Mandalor :thunbsup

Both poems are good I think i'd prefer the second one. However, do you mean implused instead of "impluses?"

The fire so soft so feminine, so silk like. It's there for me in the night and day. And yet here now, in the darkest hour of night, the fire lays at my feet ever so blowing. Like an aficionado at bay of its lover, I alone am impulses by her presence. And as the fire slowly dims, she parts from my side, to wait for her reigniting.

Impulsed I meant. Dangit spell checker on this iPod!
We need to set up a poetry thread. ^^
-Mandalor

[A§H»Xoth]

Very nice Mandalor :thunbsup

Both poems are good I think i'd prefer the second one. However, do you mean implused instead of "impluses?"

The fire so soft so feminine, so silk like. It's there for me in the night and day. And yet here now, in the darkest hour of night, the fire lays at my feet ever so blowing. Like an aficionado at bay of its lover, I alone am impulses by her presence. And as the fire slowly dims, she parts from my side, to wait for her reigniting.

Impulsed I meant. Dangit spell checker on this iPod!
We need to set up a poetry thread. ^^
-Mandalor

I thought so
Sounds like a good idea. Wouldn't be able to contribute myself the only poetry i'm good at always starts out "Roses are red, Violets are blue . . ."

[A§H»rUnRiÕt]

Lol I suck at poetry, it would be interesting to read what you guys could come up with though

[Travis]

Coming from someone who spends hours writing poetry everyday, I have two minor issues with your writing.

1). They're not all that strong. What's the meaning behind them? If there is, I cannot see it. You really need to find an assertive style which will allow you to convey a strong and beautiful message to the reader.

2). You need to either be repetitive, or not at all. You seem to be stuck in noman's land.

Other than that, they're pretty nice.

Here's an example of some of my works:

Second Aeon:

Born into one, layeth a Son with a second disposition,
foremost leather bound eyes stare blankly at these hallowed skies…
and the latter sings the ballad of a dead man, fertilising he who brawn…
Aeon of Horus bringeth the dawn once more and the Second Aeon shall be born.

The Third:

For there is little we know, and less of what we truly understand,
but there one thing we know…
And that is obsession and fetish is born in the Kingdom of Man…
Those of which are born are allowed the same title, but different name…

They’ve come from far and wide, lands of which were born in time,
empty roads and rivers run dry, train of thought born to time…
Man was made not to play, nor to pray,
But to understand the dawn and the dusk, but this is where magick lyes, in the eyes of the silver queen…

Made in God’s image, far from reality,
for if we look to the skies, we see not the Angel’s cry, but we ourselves die…
We chase ourselves through times of desperation,
never stopping for a moment of realisation…

For it’s the Aeon of Horus,
and we still sleep at night without taking a moment to think and wait…
We live by the date,
Act now before we finally close the gate…